Ladies with long hair, especially when they are in black and white dresses …  giving a mysterious , tempting and seductive appearance … always fascinate me. Any normal person will not be able to  resist that godly ‘Venus’ look. I am no exception. … 

I was walking aimlessly down-town in Singapore one day when suddenly ‘Venus’ appeared from nowhere passed by. All eyes turned into floodlights which then changed into searchlights beaming on the moving object. My searchlights instinctly  followed the irresistible figure as I continued my leisure walk.. But unfortunately my concentration  came to an abrupt end  when I  knocked into a tree and I became the center figure of the searchlights instead . I had very minor scratch on the forehead and a broken pair of glasses. 

It was an embarrassment moment though with so many people around …… so ‘ what to do?’ just picked up the broken glasses and continued my leisure walk ….   pretending  nothing had happened. I did not even dare to look back!

DIVING EXPERT! 

I was quite mischievous when I was a boy. Just like any other normal active boy, I always like to play in the rain and the flooded area after a heavy  shower. 

Scene #1 -  The place and its vincinity where  The Meridien Hotel is located,  were used to be two-storey prewar houses …. And this place was one of the low lying areas which was prone to flood each time it rained. Nearby is the monsoon drain which had claimed many innocent lives of young boys playing or swimming in the treacherous water. But  when it’s low tide during the dry season, many boys would go into the monsoon drain to either catch  fish or use the place to play  hike-n-seek.. 

I used to disturb a  pack of geese nearby and when provoked, the geese would chase after me…. Just  like a pack of ‘red Indians attacking the lone ranger ‘.   I would then run and jump into the  dry monsoon drain to take refuge.  

Scene #2 -  Whenever the place was flooded after a heavy shower,  I would go out  with my neighbour to play in the flooded area behind the present Meridien Hotel. The flood water was only up to the angle –level but covered up all the drains. As I walked through the flooded area , I accidentally walked right  into an over-head deep subsidiary monsoon drain.,  submerging myself completely. 

I did not know how to swim then and you can image how much of free ‘ teh-tarik’  I drank while I was inside the drain.  The current was very strong… I panicked ….struggled . Somehow or rather,  thank God, as I  did not have my ‘passport’,  I  was miraculously ‘thrown’ out of the drain….    To this day , the thought of drowning experience  sends a chill right through my spine! 

I did not dare to go home or  tell my parents for fear that I would be punished.  … and with a ‘gung-ho’ attitude,  I continued to play in the flooded area with caution until my wet clothings dried up. …… as if I had not learnt from my ‘diving’ session.

WOW, IT’S A PARADISE (1)

It’s not very often (in fact it’s difficult) for one to have an opportunity to see blue films, strip-tease shows in Singapore especially when  the government is so strict  on  yellow culture. 

In the early days, one had to pay S$15/- or more depending on the number of movies shown, in order to see the blue film.  One had to be ‘recommended or introduced’ through a contact person for  the arrangement to see . The viewing would take place in a designated residence ….  A small, inconspicuous room which can only accommodate up to  10 persons at a time. During the show, a runner or the co-ordinator would guard outside the residence to watch out for any police raid. 

I remembered during one of the shows, the police vice squad raided the premises ….  Fortunately, we were  fore-warned by the co-ordinator. We all scattered and escaped through the backdoor …… some of us left one or two personal items behind  and I left a shoe behind as souvenir. 

The police vice squad raid  was actually targeting the owner and operator  for their illegal activities … and what the heck, we scattered like frightened sheep for nothing. 

WOW, IT’S A PARADISE (2)

Many ‘ country – bumpkins’ who traveled abroad for the first time are generally ‘domesticated species’ … I am one of them ……  and the moment we stepped out of the world, we would  become ‘wild and excited with eyes  popping out  like a hungry were-wolf’ as though we had been just released from years of confinement  in the ‘Sau Lin Temple’  …….  at the sight of different  species of ‘fabulous ang mohs’. … and especially in a public pub in New York, where  the topless hostess will serve you with drinks ,   the strip-tease  shows  turn our straining eyes upside down until the eyeballs nearly drop out from its eye-sockets……..  whereas the  ‘live shows  and the tiger shows, etc’….. Yuk!   They make us sick and want to throw  out. We did not know then what the shows were like. We thought ‘the live show ‘ was some sort of  special drama or theatricals. …  and the ‘tiger show ‘ was literally taken to mean that it was a special animal show!  Really ‘Sam Pa Lou!’ 

 The discovery  of those banned magazines (from Singapore) such as Play Boy, Pent House, etc … were ‘treasured items’ as though one has struck a lottery ticket.. But having visited various countries and exposed to different cultures and lifestyles ……  I have now become ‘immuned’ to whatever  X-rated  shows, material, .etc  that you can find.  Such pornographic shows and other yellow culture  just make me sick….. I have become a more cultured species 

I have only seen one RA show in Singapore - ‘Basic Instinct” starred by Sharon Stone and Michael Douglas  when it was first allowed to be screened in Singapore. Nothing special lah! 

WANNA MASSAGE & STEAM BATH? 

I hate massage  and  steam bath. Each time I called on overseas clients, I had to entertain them who would end up having a massage and steambath with them. 

It’s like a ‘hot oven’ to me.  .My first visit to the steambath ended up with a mild scalded skin. 

Although massaging the body can be very refreshing , I dreaded it …..   because I feel very ticklish in the first place and being slim and have a set of  mainly skeletal body frame, I cannot take the masseur’s  ‘sumo-wrestling tactics’ which  involve pulling and stretching ….  nothing but my bones.  ….  And when the masseur applies the ‘knock-out finale’ tactic… the ‘elephant stampede’ on my back …. Oh boy,  that   one really ‘KOed’ me completely….. I was gasping for breath  …..   I felt as though my whole skeletal body frame was crushed and flattened into  a ‘pan cake’ .... Winner of the 'wrestling' match: the masseur!

FIRST TIME STEAK EATER 

My former American colleague took me for a lunch in a New York restaurant.  I was handed a menu with all the ‘descriptive, flowery, names of  food, soup, etc..’  Actually  I did not understand what the menu was all about… But of course,  I could not show my ignorance…   I watched around and in the end  followed the same order as my colleague …. Beef Steak. (even though I disliked taking beef!) 

I thought that was the end….  The next question from the waitress was “How would you like it to be done?” and my reply really betrayed me when I said “ You mean you have different  ways of cooking?’

I was actually at that time thinking the Chinese way of cooking such as fried, boil, steam, stew etc… 

Stupid Terence ….. what she meant was whether  I liked my steak to be Rare, Medium or Well Done! 

Another scenario …. I was asked “ Wanna cat-up?”..  I thought she was asking me to catch something. So I asked confidently  “Catch what?”  …..  It’s ‘tomato sauce’ ….. Why couldn’t she say ‘tomato sauce instead of cat-up’…. It really made me a ‘Sam Pa Lou’ 

In the final scenario …… I was ‘smart’ this time . I was asked what kind of wine I would like to have, red or white wine ….. Who cares …. I don’t drink and I don’t even know when to drink red or white wine. I replied.. ‘No thank you … just plain water, please!’ 

LAMB CHOP OR KAMBING? 

I was invited to a lunch by a Ceylonese (Sri Lankan)  family in Singapore.  I was served with lamb chop. 

Yuk ….. I don’t take mutton and it would be very rude of me to  tell the host … so what to do but carry on with the meal …..  taking each bite and without proper chewing , I swallowed the meat together with a mouthful of water. ….  I kept on doing this every time I took a bite …  Obviously the host noticed and said ‘ Terence you must be very thirsty?’   ‘Yes’  I answered. 

‘How do you like my wife’s cooking …. You know this is my wife’s specialty…’ 

What can I say?   I replied tactfully ‘Oh, very delicious …. One of the best lamb chop I have ever tasted” 

Beaming with smile the  host quickly responded with enthusiasm “ Please have some more, Terence..’  . The host handed me a big chunk of lamb chop on my plate! 

Aiyo!  How can I finish …. I was already struggling ….. It was really a torture chamber… an unforgetable  ordeal  that I had to go through. 

The first thing I did when I reached home was to take a couple of digestive enzyme. 

Ironically, though I dislike all types of lamb chop and Chinese mutton, I love ‘kambing – Soup Kambing! 

I remembered I had so much of soup kambing that I ended up with a bad constipation for the next three days!

40 MONSIEUR! 

I was admiring the scenic park and the Effel Tower in Paris when a photographer kept harassing me to take a photograph.. Seeing no way of getting rid of him, I consented to have my picture taken. I asked ‘How much?’ He replied in French  and some broken English ’40 monsieur , bla…bla….”  I could only understand the first two words and to make sure that I understood what he had said, the photographer took out his pen and wrote   40 on a piece of paper to show me. I gave a nod , signifying that I agreed ….  after all , what is  40 . It was CHEAP! 

So he took his Polaroid camera and within seconds, the post-card size picture was ready.  I handed him 40 francs and he said …’Noo noono….monsieur,  American Dollah!’ 

What?  US$40 for a Polaroid post-card picture? At that time  the exchange rate was US$1 = S$ 3.50…. It cost more than S$120  for the picture. It was a daylight robbery!.  I refused to pay and an argument ensued  with one speaking to me in French and I in English.

Fortunately, an English-speaking guide was around to help us solved the issue which eventually I ended up paying the photographer US20 …..  more than S$60 just for a picture?  Crazy!

THE FASTEST TAXI RIDE IN THE WORLD 

I wanted to visit my  associate in Paris and being unfamiliar with the roads, I boarded a taxi from my hotel. I showed the driver the name card … the place where I wanted to go… and asked ‘How much? The reply came ’one five (15) monsieur’ .  Having beaten once, I asked again ‘Francs.. US$?   The driver confirmed that it was US$15/-  and I agreed. 

The driver drove across the road and stopped right in front of a office building …. For a moment, I thought the driver wanted to buy a packet of cigarettes or  something when he pointed at the office building and said ‘Office… office, monsieur.’ That was  the ‘fastest ride ‘ I ever had  and the most expensive one! Imaging paying US$15/-  for a taxi ride from my hotel to the designated place which was about 100 meters away! Why couldn’t the driver tell me that the place I wanted to go was just nearby! I could have walked  to the place and saved my US$15/- …… enough to pay for my lunch.!. 

THE MOST EXPENSIVE TAXI RIDE IN THE WORLD 

I boarded a taxi in downtown , Rome after a meeting. This time I made sure that I would not make any mistake. The agreed taxi fare was US5/- from the meeting place to my hotel.  

It was in November and the weather was quite bad . It rained almost daily and ‘Bbbrrrrrr …’ it was  very cold especially during the night. When the taxi reached my hotel… I dashed out from the taxi and ran to the hotel so as to avoid the drenching rain.  I forgot to pay the taxi fare !.   The stupid driver not only he did not remind me about the taxi fare, he waited for me at the hotel lobby  throughout the night until the next morning, leaving the meter running! When I saw the taxi driver , I had a shock! I realized that I forgot to pay him…. I was in deep trouble!   I apologized to the driver and asked for the amount of fare I had to pay. A bombshell dropped on me ….. US160/-   … I apologized again  and kept on explaining to him in English while he spoke in Italian, giving his side of the story. Without understanding a word of Italian, I offered to compensate him US$80/-.which he refused to compromise and accept . ….   as  expected,  arguments ensued. 

As I had to go to the railway station  that morning, I told the driver through the hotel interpreter that, in the interest of both parties he could call  the police to settle the matter. 

Within minutes, a police car arrived at the railway station. A burly built police sergeant approached  me together with the taxi driver. I explained the scenario to the police officer and added ‘ Officer, I am  tourist visiting your country. …  and being  fleeced by unscrupulous driver does not go well with your country’s image. Besides,  if  I  had  to pay US$160/- as the driver demanded , I will end up short of  fund to meet my other expenses…  and when that happens , I will be a liability to your country. You don’t want that to happen, do you, sir? ‘ .. The police officer kept nodding his head as he listened to my explanation. 

The police officer then turned to the driver and said to him in a seemingly angry tone…. presumably to be telling him to compromise and accept the compensation of US$80/-. The driver agreed and accepted the compensation…. disappointed  because he could not get what he wanted.! 

I was disappointed because there was a ‘big hole ‘ in my pocket!

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